Absence Makes...

Hello dear minions. I gather I’ve been missed in the land of mortals and been criticised for my absence.

I’ve been very, very busy here in the nether world. It all started with us watching the Oxford & Cambridge boat race. Well done Oxford!

Anyway, Nelson pipes up and suggests we re enact the boat race on the river Styx for a laugh. All very well I hear you say, but I know from bitter experience exactly how these games can get completely out of hand.

Next thing I know, Nelson wants to re enact the battle of the Nile (doesn’t like Trafalgar!) This pisses off Augustus and Mark Anthony no end, who both want a re match of the battle of Actium.

It goes from bad to worse, Admiral Jellicoe is determined to put enormous ships all over the Styx to remember Jutland. Halsey and the Americans want to do Midway again but with nukes, and that complete nutter, Caligula wants to bung a bridge of boats over the whole thing and ride his horse back and forth singing “My Way” Frank was fuming!

Now bear in mind that none of these people had even been drinking, and you can imagine how difficult it is for me to maintain some semblance of order.

After some Air Force guys tried bombing Charon’s dock, I lost my temper completely. I set Cerberus on the Americans and let the Medusa turn all the other gits to stone until they promise to behave themselves.

Charon is having a lie down and smoking something with a very pungent aroma. At least he’s smiling, but I daren’t leave any food lying about or he’ll have it.

I’m going to have a nice holistic massage from Asclepius no less and then I shall return refreshed with pearls of wisdom..or not!