A short, fat, elderly person with thick glasses, demented hair and frightening dress sense was observed in Hawley Square clutching a box of matches and the charred remains of a trouser press.
The statements go on to describe the said person babbling hysterically to trees, stray dogs and a group of resident drunks who only survived the onslaught as they were almost comatose.
However, one of their group was not so fortunate and had to eat his own leg to escape with his life.
Although in shock and with chronic indigestion, the now one-legged drunk recalled the ranting was something about the benefits of concreting over Thanet parks and filling in a cave while posing for pictures with residents!
The investigation continues.
